9th
On Being Safe
I know you want me to be safe because you care about me. But when you say “be safe”, who do you think we sex workers need to protect ourselves from? Were you thinking about all the times we’re tokenized, treated like a pariahs, refused visas, criminalized, researched like a bug, had others speak for us, caricatured in the media, asked totally offensive invasive questions, had our sanity and humanity questioned, our skills erased and ridiculed, risked arrest, deportation, eviction and (in my family) the threat of losing child custody? Were you thinking about the burden of secrecy from my family, or how many times I’ve tried to refute the same stereotypes over and over, and what it’s like to be told by a friend that I’m damaged? Is that what you meant?
The Imaginary Victimized Sex Worker
Everyone (in particular people who see themselves as sex work allies) wants to find the Imaginary Victimized Sex Worker. If it isn’t me, it must be street workers or the underage or the addicted or the so-called “trafficked”. It isn’t. Think of the manufacturing or hospitality industry: some settings are good and respectful, some are shitty and abusive. But the concept of victims in need of rescue is never helpful. There are workers who might want better rights or conditions, on their own terms. The idea that sex workers are victims is the exactly how some of the worst abuses of sex worker rights—usually as perpetrated by that state—are justified and for that reason, talking about safety and danger is really loaded. Approach it thoughtfully.
I’m guilty of this too. When a sex work organizer told me about the brothels where mainly Thai and Chinese women work for much discounted rates, I immediately responded negatively. “oh, that sucks for them!”. “No, actually they do fine because at those rates, more clients come in”. And in that instant I could see how my racism and whore-phobia intertwined. Here they were—the Imaginary Victimized Sex Workers! And of course, they’re not white or western! Do I think the Chinese woman who offers cheaper pedicures in my neighborhood is victimized? No. I think that patriarchal racism plays a role in her skills being less valued than the expensive white-owned salons but I don’t erase her agency in choosing the best work for herself. I’m a privileged worker. This does not make me the only worker who fully consents to my work and is not victimized by my clients. In capitalist economies we all work within the limits on our consent.
High Risk Lifestyles of the Married and Cohabitating
What is demonstrably more dangerous than sex work is intimate partnership. Domestic violence is the number one cause of death and permanent disability to Australian women. So when your sister tells you that she’s moving in with her boyfriend, do you tell her to “be safe”? Would you refuse to have your friend’s wedding at your home given how you know domestic partnership to be a proven “high-risk lifestyle”? Would you let me work out of your guest room? Would you drive me to a call? Would you be my security back up without assuming I’m about to go see an axe-murderer? Would you be comfortable if my clients knew where you lived? If not, why not? If I could do any of this with a new lover but not a client, why do you think that only money makes these men dangerous? I’d like to hear your explanation.
I don’t love my clients but they’re fine. (Actually, the question of love is a complicated one but for now, we’ll keep it simple). They’re just like every other dude, except that they consider my time and sexual skill worth hundreds of dollars—making them in fact better than your average guy. Non sex workers sometimes insist that their brother/friend/teacher/boss would never be a client. They’re dreaming. That’s precisely who my clients are. So if you don’t fear them then you’ll understand why I don’t either.
(via)
